A woman posed this question to get advice from a Guardian (English publication - American version) advice columnist.
I am a 21-year-old woman and still a virgin. I have had quite a lot of difficulty in the past with eating disorders. After leaving school, I found it very difficult to form friendships because I isolated myself. I am in a better place now, but am still quite lonely. I have just finished my first year at university and being a virgin is really starting to weigh on me.
Here is my comment activity on that article. I’m not printing the advice she got from the columnist.
James Herman 1d ago
Masturbating is the safest sex there is and is as good if not better than the "real" thing. I'm sure you could buy dildos on line that even vibrate. So there is certainly no reason for you to be horny. I finally did it when I was 24. I was on active duty in the Navy Reserves in Alameda, California. I met a woman at the enlisted men's club. We eventually went back to my room at the barracks. My two roommates went to the TV lounge so we could be alone. Those guys were very understanding. We started about 2 AM and didn't quit until daylight. It was July 4th, 1974 and then July 5th that morning. I had gotten a vasectomy in August, 1973. So I didn't use a condom. We did it four times. She said "I'm free, white and 21" and her intention was to make up for lost time. She was married with a one year old little boy. She offered to let either one or both of my roommates have a turn but I discouraged her from doing that. We ended up doing it four times. I was satisfied with 3 but she got on top of me and got one more out of me. It was a lot of fun. When we were separating she asked if I'd like to get together again some time and I said "probably not a good idea" all things considered. When I mentioned the risk of STDs to her she said she knew what symptoms to look for and wasn't concerned. No one had heard of AIDS back then. After I got off active duty in June of 1976 I got tested for any STD's just for my own piece of mind. Luckily I was OK. But it could've just as easily have gone the other way. So whatever you do, be safe. I'm glad I had the experience but it would've been nice to have been in a long term monogamous relationship.
While I was still on active duty four of us picked up a prostitute on McArthur Boulevard in Oakland, California and brought her back to my room in the barracks. One guy chickened out. Another guy told me afterwards that he just couldn't do it. He was the one who wanted to go in the first place. She was absolutely gorgeous. But it was like masturbating into someone's vagina. At least she had her own condoms and she applied one to me. I started to lose my erection and had to rub around her vagina to get hard again. She said "you're supposed to go in" and I said "yeah, I know". But that little bit of rubbing got me hard and I finished OK. As soon as I came she immediately said "are you finished?" and I said "yeah". It was obvious she took no pleasure whatsoever from my efforts. I still gave her an extra $5 instead of just the agreed upon $20.
I went steady for a year in high school and not doing it was very satisfying. I didn't have a car but she did. I remember one time she gave me a ride home after school. We parked in my driveway and just made out for several hours. I creamed my jeans three times. When I got back to my room and was changing I noticed a big wet spot on my hip where her crotch had been. We both had a wonderful time without ever doing it. So just making out, rubbing, kissing can be very satisfying with someone that you truly find attractive and vice versa. Don't be afraid to TELL someone that you'd like to get to know him better. When I was in college all I did was eat, sleep and study. Remember the golden rule. Don't ask for more than you're willing to give. Know exactly what you want. I obviously never wanted children. And I wanted someone who would accept financial responsibility for herself. So if you simply want someone who truly wants a sincere monogamous relationship and you can support yourself and you communicate that then your odds are very good. Can you be happy with just one child or none? If so your odds are even better. I agree with the advice in the article. Don't just do it to tick it off your bucket list. Find somebody nice and stick with him. Good Luck.
onona to James Herman 1d ago
"Masturbating is the safest sex there is and is as good if not better than the "real" thing" No it isn't.
onona to James Herman 1d ago
Also, calling sex "doing it" makes it look like you haven't got a very developed view of sex.
JimDandelion to James Herman 1d ago
Oh wow. This post is a gem. It's like a tiny American movie in post form, a lost classic of the 70s new wave. It has the jittery, fevered pacing of an early Scorsese, the earthiness of a good Cimino. More please Jim!
Bochi to JimDandelion 1d ago
It's like Bukowski without the booze. It is, indeed, a classic of its kind.
James Herman to JimDandelion 22h ago
Bonus material for you and the young lady who's feeling down about being a virgin. You have a lot to look forward to young lady if you find a caring and attentive lover. We obviously weren't just hammering away for several hours straight. We talked and talked while we were touching each other. I had been looking forward to this experience probably since fourth grade so I wasn't going to hold back. Yes, I went down on her. She said she had been walking around all day and hadn't showered but too late, I was down there enjoying myself and so was she in no time. I was so impressed by the way her nipple became erect when I circled it with my finger. I wasn't aware they did that. One mundane detail, I had to pee right after our first encounter. She didn't have to go and I came back pronto. Later I asked if she'd like to do it doggie style. So she got up on her hands and knees and I got behind her. After one or two strokes she just collapsed flat onto the bed with her face buried into the pillow and I went right down with her not missing a beat. She started making loud noises as if she couldn't catch her breath. My roommates told me later that they could hear her in the TV lounge. My bedroom window was open and so was the window to the TV lounge. So the window to window distance was probably only 30 feet. I just quietly enjoy having sex but not her this time. She was quiet the other 3 times. She later told me that doggie style usually doesn't do anything for her at all. But it sure did this time. It was a once in a lifetime experience. It was everything I thought my wedding night would ever be. We really should've quit after 3 but I wasn't going to deny her being on top. I asked her "are you enjoying yourself?" She said "Oh yeah, I'm enjoying myself." She could tell when I was starting to climax and sped up her bouncing. As soon as I came I just went limp. She climbed off me. I was done, done, done. It was like having too much candy or eating too much at Thanksgiving. So young lady, you have a lot to look forward to. Just find a good and caring monogamous lover. As good as it is, it sure isn't worth getting an STD. I never saw her again but I will remember her the rest of my life.
JimDandelion to James Herman 21h ago
Welbru to JimDandelion 13h ago
Yes, but with paragraphs please. (Note: I edited in paragraphs for this article.)
JimDandelion to James Herman 12h ago
Don't listen to welbru, James, your posts are perfect.
JimDandelion to Welbru12h ago
Try reading James' posts out loud. I wouldn't change a thing. The unhinged* velocity of the stream of consciousness is part of what makes them so freakin' ace. *James, I mean that in the nicest possible way.
James Herman to JimDandelion11h ago
Thanks, I enjoyed writing it as much as you enjoyed reading it. I can't make this stuff up. I'm not bragging or complaining but just reporting the experience as I lived it. I can't remember the lady's name but the prostitute we had after March of 1975 was named Renee. She drove a 1975 dark blue Datsun B210, the hatchback. I had bought my Datsun B210 2-door coupe, same color as her car, in March of 1975. Once I had the car the one guy wanted to go to McArthur Blvd. Two more came along and the rest is history. Those were the only two times I've had sex in the sense of full penile penetration. I've been a DIY'er ever since. There is no shame in changing the oil on your car or fixing your plumbing but when it comes to sex some think it is shameful. I'd rather be safe than sorry. I tried Match.com and have a good Facebook post about that experience. Basically I could not find a lady who would accept financial responsibility for herself. They all wanted me to pay in some way or another. My response, I don't ask you to pay so please can you just reciprocate? All I ever got after that was silence.
JimDandelion to James Herman 10h ago
Thanks so much for sharing with us, buddy. You just keep doing what you're doing, it seems to be working for ya.